You can’t complain.

Has anyone ever told you that? I grew up with a group of people that made me feel at times like I should apologize for the things I should be grateful for, as if I took it away from them. It’s so easy to judge from afar.
Probably the hardest decision I’ve ever made in my life has been dropping out of college, and still people sometimes talk about it as it meant giving up, and as if giving up was easy at all.

I’m exactly a month away from leaping into –what seems – an intangible ocean, mainly because at the beginning it felt like ages away. It won’t be the first time I’ll be living on my own, but never so physically away from home (because I’ve been distanced in my mind before), but I can’t complain. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. I’ve been wanting - dreaming to do this for at least three years now, nevertheless should it be painless?

At times I feel like my eyes are folded but I don’t care, I like that fresh star to whatever comes ahead.

I remember as a child saying goodbye to my father during his business trips while seeing his silhouette disappear behind the crystal doors at the international gate of the airport, wondering what was behind, wanting to disappear into the mechanic monsters that so often break the dense air of the clouds above.

At some point in my life, I must admit, I thought that once you knew you passion, giving up on things under that purpose wasn’t supposed to hurt, at least not that much. Maybe it is like this because I’m too stubborn, and I’m not willing to surrender my ideas.

So often these days when people tell me “you can’t complain because you’re going away” I pause and think to my self and sometimes whisper: I’m not complaining, but it still hurts. You must know that.

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